No News is Good News

Today I went to a regularly scheduled OB visit. Baby is still measuring 'above average' and about two weeks larger than "normal". Her heartrate was well within the perfect range. I'm always eager to hear the hearttone rate as earlier in the pregnancy there was a question as to if she had a right ventricle or not.
I talked to my doctor about how I've been feeling - almost always numb with shock waves of irritability, impatience, intolerance and extreme fatigue. I feel like I could burst into tears any minute, but never do. The doctor knows my cousin and I guess they've been chatting it up about my life - and she said, "Amylynn - with what is going on in your life, it would be perfectly normal for you to be in tears everyday. What you are feeling is perfectly normal; should you start bursting into tears for unknown reasons and the cloud persists and persists then we can talk about some methods to help you. Trust me, women come to me all the time - and sometimes their husbands, asking for "NICE PILLS" to expel the witch!"
She asked me how my vomiting has been and asked me how I've been eating. She expressed concern over these matters as my urine and blood tests the last three rounds have shown concerning levels of protein and sugar. I do not have high blood pressure - which would normally point a wagging finger at diabetes along with the sugar and protein, but I consistently test negative for diabetes.
She told me that she is suspecting kidney failure and asked me to have my blood drawn before I left. She didn't say anything further except that she would call me herself if the results were "alarming".
I took the lab at about 1pm - and haven't received a phone call. So. No news is good news for now.
My plan for the afternoon was to make a list of what I need to ask for in the divorce papers for my appointment with my attorney tomorrow. But she called today and said that I would need to have the baby's name chosen in order to draw up the papers. I decided to prolong that appointment until I've decided. 24 hours is not long enough to decide something that will identify my baby for life! I also have a small list of things I need before the baby comes, but I am still waiting on those unemployment checks to come in.
I'm exhausted. I'm anxious. I'm HOT (my dad said he'll come this week and put in my A/C unit! YEA!) and have about a 2 minutes delay in responding to Noam and a foreseeable disaster since I'm so uncomfortable moving around and it takes me forever to get up off the couch.
Things were so much easier when Lionell was around...but I'm strengthened by the thought that GOD must believe I can really do this without him...or anyone.
I'm wondering who will be holding my hand when baby comes screaming into the world - and who I will ask "Does she have a face? Ten fingers? Ten toes?"
3 weeks...and I will know.