Waiting

Today is a rainy day, cool, dim and uneventful.
I slept with the windows open and though the wind was restless, I was not.
God gives rest to those he loves and he most certainly loved me much and loved me well through the night! Even though my son woke me countless times with sleep talking and short bursts of crying fits, I was not affected at all by being awoken repeatedly.
When I awoke, I was certain I had slept through half the day and my son's diaper would be a mass of urine weighing 20 pounds and he'd be listless lying in wait for me to feed him...but he was still sound asleep and looking like an adorable and angelic babe. It was only 7 am!
I was ready to start my day - but did not have much on my agenda. I had to make a few phone calls, schedule an appointment, fax in a form for unemployment and get some groceries.
As I entered the kitchen for my morning cup of joe, I noticed that my kitchen was NEW. It was definitely not in the condition I left it when I retired the night before. Where my island tends to reveal my tendency to organize by piling and my sink lately blatantly tattles that I'm too lazy and tired to do my supper dishes...the counters were cleared, the cupboards wiped down and the floor was glistening from being swept and mopped. My new roommate (she rents my basement and shares my main floor space) must have decided to be a true night owl and clean for me.
What a gift! Keeping up with my kitchen floor has caused me a lot of stress now that I'm 8 + months pregnant and way too uncomfortable to get down on my hands and knees to scour and scrub!
I've made my phone calls and will wait until after dinner to go to the store.
I haven't done much since waking up. Changed Noam's diaper over and over, fed him (over and over!), tidied up my bedroom and bathroom and picked up two lamps Noam knocked down only to discover they broke from the fall. Two broken lamps in one day! He's been busy and I can't keep up!
I'm waiting. I sit on the couch and I wait. I wait for an encouraging word. I wait for the first of three or all three unemployment checks to come in the mail. I wait for my attorney to call. I wait for my baby to come. I should not have nested so early - my bags are all packed and I'm ready to go, but I have nothing to do but just sit and wait.
As I wait, I contemplate what I am waiting for. In one sense, I'm waiting for my life to begin again - to see if I can really do this single mom thing, go to school, work a full-time job, meet a man and marry again...have "success" as us Americans define it.
But in another sense, I wait on the Lord to conform my will to his - waiting for whatever he wants to give me or provide me with and knowing that his grace is sufficient and that those who trust in him lack no good thing.
As I wait, I see only him...and I trust.

Upon the Mt. of Transfiguration: Matthew 17:8"And lifing up their eys, they saw NO ONE, EXCEPT JESUS HIMSELF ALONE!"And so may it be with me!